Comments on: Surviving Infidelity: 2 Case Studies

By: Geeta

Geeta — Mon, 03 May 2021 17:25:12 +0000

I have been married for 25 years and prior to our marriage knew him for approx 15 years. My husband has not touched me in 10+ years, I always wondered what the prblm was. Anyways on the 15th Feb 2021 I found out he has been having an affair/affairs in all those years. The most recent a 24year old. My husband is 61. After confronting him, I am not even sure if he apologised, all I heard him say was”I fucked up” not once thereafter has he said anything about it, not has he apologised to me. We sleep in separate rooms and he is pretty much ok with it. My husband has been paying this girl n transfering monies to her. He confessed alright, but even in his confession he still lied. He keeps his phone so close and would never just hand me the phone. I recently seen 3 pop up messages on his phone whilst he was in the shower, All from other women. When confronted, becomes very defensive and uses reason like, I used to shout and swear at him. Well Ok, there were times I did. But did that mean he had to go around with other women? I cannot speak to him as he says “Oh not again ” I realised he no longer loves me, I just don’t know why he has not left yet or just be honest. So I think divorce is the only way. We are Muslims, so after this month of Ramadan, I am going to get divorced as painful as it is. I am in a marriage and yet I feel so alone .

By: Jennet

Jennet — Tue, 20 Oct 2020 00:13:31 +0000

I am new to your posts but finding them very helpful. I am 10 months since DD and working on reconciliation after my husbands 4 year affair. Its very, very hard because although the affair is over (so he has said) he shows very little affection towards me and that hurts its as though he thinks everything can go back to normal without much work from himself. We have been together for 51 years since our teens and I love him very much otherwise I wouldn’t be here trying to do my best at making this work. Sometimes I feel that this is just a better deal for him as the OW denied having an affair and obviously didn’t want to leave her high earning, younger husband. So where does that leave me?? Jennet

By: Exsel

Exsel — Sat, 23 Jan 2016 00:17:55 +0000

Charging neutral seems to help a lot of people, but I don’t think it would have worked for me. My h of 30 years met someone who called herself Jeniffer Bellezas (not her real name, Bellezas means beauty, she should have called herself Fea) through a dating site, skypt and called with her for 3 weeks, then stayed with her for 1 week which turned out to be a complete flop.
It was completely out of the blue and I became a mess, mentally but also physically because my left arm and right leg and sometimes my whole body started to get shakes. My husband could literally see what it had done to me, which made him realise the impact of his stupid actions and feel really, really sorry and guilty. I think if I had stayed calm and collected, he would have been convinced I didn’t care as he had put that in his head anyway, not realising how much I loved him and what a good marriage we had because of his depression/burnout. It has been 8 months and we are getting through it, he is taking full responsibility, he loves me more than ever and knows that the grass was definitely not greener on the other side of the fence, that in fact it was quite barren.

By: Pete

Pete — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 22:20:55 +0000

Been a little over a year and I still can’t get things out of my head. Right now she believes me to be feeling better and we’re moving forward but I can’t get that I f’ing hate you for your bull$&@! Out of my head. I may end up checking myself in

By: K

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 18:54:53 +0000

I am trying to rebuild after my husbands affair and his diagnosis of bi-polar disorder. He is now on medication which has helped tremendously. Even though the dianosis has helped explain his most recent behavior it is so very painful and still no excuse! He has been home for 4 weeks. We have one daughter still at home and she is struggling also. I am still not sure if I will continue the marriage, even though I am trying and he is receiving couseling. The only love I have for him now is brotherly or friendship type of love.

By: Linda

Linda — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 03:21:57 +0000

Thank you. You make more sense than any counselor I saw while trying to find my way back from hell. I look forward to further advice from you.

By: Lloyd L

Lloyd L — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 12:44:01 +0000

Thank you, Dr. Huizenga.

By: B.M

B.M — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 09:26:59 +0000

Inow have the positive feeling that my situation can change when i recieve the e-book after reading case studies,THOUGH things are still very bed.

By: Katia

Katia — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 04:31:35 +0000

I think the best way to break free from the affair is to move on and get a divorce. “Once a cheater – always a cheater”
I am happily divorced, and this was the best decision I ever made.

By: Mollie

Mollie — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 16:14:22 +0000

Charging neutral is essential. It really helps the infidel (your cheating spouse) stop them in their tracks and wonder “what have I done”. If you are unable to charge neutral it only gives them more reason to not be with YOU. They are so blinded right now to the hurt and pain they’ve caused you because they can only see how great being with the other person makes them feel. It is very hard to feel rejected and not want to scream and yell; especially when you still LOVE your spouse and they were the ones that chose to stray. But that was their choice. And now you have teh choice to focus on you – think of it as a weird little vacation to no longer let your life be consumed with your spouse and his actions – but a door has opened for YOU to do and become what YOU want. Enjoy it. If they return to you, think about it long and hard. We all like the sense of normalcy we’ve always had, but normal isn’t always good. One day at a time, it will get better. I’m only 40 days into the discovery and Break Free From the Affair is a savior to me.