Surviving Infidelity Series: The Power of Faith and Living in Limbo
I called the other woman and got what information I needed to know from. She eagerly gave me what I asked thinking that I would leave my husband. I gave my husband a list of things he had to do if he wanted to keep our family together. 1. Call her and tell her it was over with me standing there, 2. shave the mustache he had worn for over twenty years because he had had it when he had oral sex with her (dirty to me), 3. start wearing his wedding ring again, and 4. start going with me to church. He regretted the affair and wanted our marriage to work. We went to counseling with our preacher during which time Jesus entered his life. I read all the scriptures that let me know that God hates divorce and wants our marriage to work out. I read from the Bible and books from Christian sex therapists to help me learn to forgive my husband and the other woman. My husband is now constantly by my side. We are retiring, moving to another state, and renewed our vows in December. Faith in God got me through this.
Once I found out my husband was having an affair I packed his bags and took them all to his mother’s house. 12 months on there are things I shouldn’t have done, but at the time you don’t listen to anyone and think you will win them back. I was very bitter and every text and phone call was quite aggressive and very cold and antagonistic. The one thing I used to read but couldn’t understand, is that my husband had moved on and into a life in which I and the children didn’t really exist. He was ‘happy’ to be away and in another environment. I knew it wasn’t just the other woman, but issues with his business and some failings – he thought he had failed me, and I was the successful one. He thought, and still thinks, there are things he needs to do as a single person without the confines of marriage, but still says he loves me and could n’t live without me in some way. We are not back together as I don’t trust him: but he hasn’t tried to put everything back together. He still has to find himself and what he really wants. I don’t know whether I am doing the right thing by having him around some of the time, but I feel quite happy having my own space. I am not as angry, I have found myself, but am living in limbo day to day. I need to make some decisions, but family is extremely important to me. The thought of going out with someone else is fine, the thought of bringing a person into my children’s life is not ok. That’s where I am at the moment having spent Christmas, New Year and the first 2 weeks of this year with my ex!
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