How to Recover from Infidelity: Trust and Self-Care
A couple scenarios below how two readers went about the task of overcoming infidelity.
How to recover from infidelity, in the first instance, demonstrates a couple (he decided he wanted to keep the marriage) in which the woman became very clear about the boundaries. Getting over infidelity for her (and him) meant she demanded and received transparency.
How to recover from infidelity, in the second instance, depicts someone who embarked upon a mission of self care. Getting over infidelity means shifting the focal point away from the cheating spouse toward self in a way that brings about healing from the affair and new sense of well-being.
“It has now been 6 months. After the dust settled I asked all the questions I need answers to. We decided we wanted to stay married & sought counseling right away. I made certain rules for him to abide by. He became totally transparent. I had access to everything I needed, computer, cell phone, ALL credit & bank statements. He stayed home, unless I knew exactly where he was. This started to restore the trust I had lost. We opened up more & talked more. This started the healing process. We began having “dates” & doing more together as a couple. If anything, this whole earth shattering experience has made us closer, we appreciate each other more than we have in years. The pain remains, but gets better every day. There is hope and surviving affair is possible.”
“First, concentrate on yourself and your health. Yeah, I know everyone says that, but I say – take it very seriously. Join a gym, eat healthy (this was not a problem for me, the problem was forcing down any food), take a daily vitamin, buy a lot of new clothes and pray. You must do these things for YOU not for your cheating spouse. You are not trying to get the person to come back or whatever, instead you are improving you. Focus on yourself and your children (if any.) Realize although you feel incredibly lonely, you are not at all alone. You need one maybe two good friends who will go to the end of the earth for you and ones that will tell no one. Talk and talk to them. You do not want to depress them, but someone who lists is invaluable. I think it helps not to always rip on your cheating spouse when confiding in someone. That brings back pain. Tell test thing that sets it off. I have learned to address it and talk it out with my husband. I hope some of this helps.”
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