Surviving Infidelity Series: The Need For Support After the Infidelity

Well I was living in a foreign country with no friends or family around (except my children) so there was little support system. When I took the courage to finally look "spy" around his home office and I saw her pictures (even baby pictures) and then I looked on the computer and saw all the messages (he was having a very emotional "my marriage made me do it" type affair)--well that was the most devestating night of my life, worse than the death of my father. It felt like my head had been blown off with a shotgun. As much as I wanted to cry and stay in bed, I couldn't, for my pre-school childs sake, so I kept up a brave face and played with him, took him outside in the fresh air for lots of excercise, and played with my two dogs as much as possible. I told the housekeeper I had had a terrible personal tragedy (I did not want to tell her the exact details) so I could feel free to sob uncontrollably when she was around. I let her take my little boy as much as possible. I walked the dogs as much as I could and cuddled them, cuddled my son, and called family and friends back in the States, especially (at first) those who had been through this before. My sister had stayed with her cheating husband (they survived the infidelity even after he got another woman pregnant but thats ANOTHER story) so I wanted her help since I loved and was devoted to my husband and wanted to stay together. I found a therapist who became a lifeline, and went to see them frequently: this was extrememly helpful. I found a couples therapist and even a religious counselor and although they did not end up helping that much, they did help a little (any little bit was great) and I knew at least I had tried, so I felt strong about myself for that. Also although I was sad beyond belief, and let my spouse see me so, I was very angry and let myself feel it and let him feel it as well. Instead of sinking into depression, after a few weeks I stayed in more of an "alive" state, feeling my feelings and my anger. While this is hard, at least I survived and knew who I was, didn't loose myself in the grief. I had felt like I just wanted to die and couldn't let myself stay in that place in my head. After a month or so I lost weight and started to wear my old nice clothes and got my teeth whitened and felt better. Now its two years ( I know even the exact minute I found out) and its still tough but I haven't cried about it for at least a year. Good luck to anyone going through this and find support!!!!!!!!!!!

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