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Marriage Makeover: 74 Stars to Shoot For

Here's a little exercise for you and your spouse to help you get on the same page after marital infidelity or a marriage or relationship crisis.

Instructions

The objective is to narrow the list down to the top 5 characteristics you want to shoot for or see happen in your marriage or relationship now.

1. Print out 2 copies of the chart.

2. Each person scan through the 74 characteristics a couple times or more. Get a sense of how they differ. Note which ones tend to grab you or hold your attention. Remember, these characteristics describe an ideal relationship.

3. Each person go back over the list and place a check mark by each on the scale of 1-10. The #10 means that characteristic stands out or grabs you as something vitally important and you want to shoot for that beginning now.

4. One person shares with the other the top 5. The person may make comments. However, make sure you NEVER refer to your partner or spouse as someone who must do that something for you to make something happen. Do not place any responsibility on the other. You are merely declaring what is vitally important for you now. The other person may ask questions, but they are for clarification only. The other is to listen and listen well with an underlying curiosity.

5. The other person shares the top 5 characteristics with the same rules and concerns applying.

6. If you begin to swirl, hit the wall or the communication breaks down, stop the process.

7. If the exercise generates positive give and take marked by a high degree of acceptance and curiosity, keep it going.

8. Once completed, please Click here to take a survey. This is very important for me and others as we develop some hard-hitting and highly effective tools for everyone trying to not merely put back the pieces, but create something deeply more rich and satisfying.

If you would like to download the pdf format of the chart, click here.

 
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#10 =Yes, Yes, I want that now!
1
My alone time, privacy or need for "space" is accepted and it is available.
2
Being with my partner increases my happiness.
3
I tell my partner the truth about everything. I withhold nothing.
4
I understand my personal needs and how I want them met in our relationship.
5
I understand his/her personal needs and how he/she wants them met in our relationship.
6
I usually think before I respond to my partner. I do not react impulsively.
7
I am an open book. I can express my feelings and thoughts without fear or shame.
8
I am not criticized or put down in this relationship.
9
I am in this relationship because I choose to be, not because I feel like I must be.
10
I take extremely good care of myself; I don’t rely on my partner to take care of me.
11
This relationship is completely consistent with what I think is right and desirable.
12
I have addressed everything that matters to me with my partner. There is nothing "hanging."
13
It is easy and comfortable to talk with my partner and we converse often.
14
We manage our finances well.
15
I know my partner's triggers and refuse to push his/her buttons.
16
I state directly what is important. I don't make my partner guess.
17
I support, encourage my partner to reach his/her goals.
18
I can accept the apology of my partner.
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I understand my partner's goals and support them.
20
I listen well. I don't interrupt or jump in when my partner speaks.
21
I am aware of the "triggers" to which my partner tends to react in a negative way.
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