Feature Article
 Infidelity Quickie: Feels Like the Agony of the Affair will Never End
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You Don't Have to Go it Alone
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Recommended Sites
A list of helpful sites to visit
Feature Article
Infidelity Quickie: Feels Like the Agony of the Affair will Never End
Learn from these real life extramarital affair coaching scenarios.
In the first section the person struggling with the marital infidelity summarizes the scenario or concern and what he/she would like to say to his/her cheating spouse.
I then outline some goals that help him/her break free from the affair.
The last and important section gets at shifting the focus away from the spouse/partner to him/her self. In other words, what does all this mean for the person on the receiving end of an extramarital affair? After that mental shift (which is NOT easy for someone in the pain and turmoil of perhaps losing one's spouse, family, and home) I, the coach, offer phrases that he/she can relay to his/her spouse in a way that speaks directly of his/her concern and has the best chance of being heard and getting positive results.
Section 1: The "offended spouse" says:
It feels like it will never be over. Not until HE acknowledges what he did and is able to accept my forgiveness and show that he has changed the way he lives his live. I honestly want to have cordial relationship with him, but because he cannot "own" what he has done he continues to act like a jerk toward me when there is no reason for it. I don't trust myself to pick another partner. I don't want to put anymore energy into developing a new relationship with another man. It is hard to keep my relationships with my in-laws, though we are very fond of each other and they have been very supportive of me.
Section 2: Personal goals suggested by the coach:
- Shift focus from him and what he is not doing to declaring your own standards for a relationship.
- Learn to value your internal signals in relationships as having validity.
Section 3: What the affair means for the "offended spouse" and what he/she REALLY wants to say to his spouse/partner having the affair:
- This tension seems to drag on and on. I want to see an end. I need some hope.
- I want us to create a cordial relationship. I would want you to have that wish also.
- There are some standards I have for a relationship. I need to work on those – to let you know exactly what I’m talking about when I say that.
- I struggle with reading the signals from you (or other men). I doubt myself. I wonder if I can ever have a relationship where I feel peace.
What is your situation? Describe your situation. Let it flow. Don't hold back. Then, ask yourself, "What does this marital mean for ME?" What impact does his/her extramarital affair have on my feelings, thoughts and actions? Then rehearse approaching your spouse/partner with phrases that convey the meaning and impact of the infidelity for YOU.
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You Don't Have to Go it Alone
You don't have to go this alone. Going it alone increases your tendency to believe there is something wrong with you. You need the input of others in your situation to help you stick with the belief "Maybe I and my responses are normal!"
We set up a new chat room for you to get support and encouragement from others and to learn from others. I sincerely hope you will try it out.
Go there. Look it over. Don't feel compelled to participate, if you are not ready. If so inclined, welcome others who enter the room.
The chat room is new. I'm testing it. It offers private rooms and instant messages, which are optional. You need to register to enter. I provide this to discourage hackers and undesirable souls! You privacy is solidly protected. You can divulge what you wish about your situation or self.
To ensure that a significant number of people are in the chat room at a given time, we set up a schedule whereby volunteer moderators will be present to welcome people and keep the room rolling.
If you want to volunteer reply to this email with your first name and email address in the first line of the body. I will get in touch with you as we develop the room.
OK. Ready? Go here to login to the chat room.
Support and Guidance
Meet the Newest Member of our Team!
Break Free From the Affair is extremely pleased to introduce you to Ms. Jeryl Swantack.
Jeryl is joining our family as a coach, specializing in affairs and infidelity that have abuse in their history. The above article is written so you might know exactly how Jeryl can serve you best.
If you are a partner or spouse who is basically lost and can't understand how your good spouse is doing what s/he is doing and fits some of the categories above, please let Jeryl know.
If you are in the midst of an affair and see yourself in some of the categories above, please contact Jeryl.
Jeryl has a rich and varied history.
She also is an incredibly smart woman (has an advanced law degree and masters in counseling). She also is compassionate, a good listener and will let you know that your story is incredibly important. She will work with you in a collaboratively powerful way to help you design the life and relationship you truly desire.
Click here to read about Jeryl.
Click here to see Jeryl's coaching packages.
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Thank you! We hope you find the relationships that give you the support, understanding and encouragement you need.
Recommended Sites
Please visit these sites for more highly recommended resources:
acespy.com
chatcheaters.com
pig-dogs.net
askmaple.com
womansdivorce.com
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