Feature Article
Confronting the Other Person: Pain or Panacea?
Should you confront the other woman/man?
I'm in the middle of some research on this very topic. I have around 200 case studies of real people facing infidelity telling their stories of confronting the other person and am in the middle of gleaning words of wisdom.
when I initially began this research I assumed confronting the other person would be a no win situation - that it would merely stir a messy pot that would overflow and the situation would be worse than before.
Now, I'm not so sure.
Here's what I'm learning to this point:
1. A significant number of people found their "power" in confronting the other. The opportunity to vent, and in some cases rage, felt good. This good feeling came about because the person extricated him/herself from the victim, depressed, immobilized and helpless role. It didn't always help the marriage or relationship with the spouse, but the person felt better. (Maybe in the long run, the new found "power" helped with personal confrontation in the marriage.)
2. It often seems best to have some idea of what you might encounter. Knowing the type of affair and the personality patterns of your spouse will help determine the kind of response you most likely will receive from the OP. If you spouse tends to be a "I Don't Want to Say NO" for example, you can fairly accurately predict that the op will be somewhat open and understanding. (He's probably lying to her and she is in the dark.) Expect drama to its max in the
"I Fell out of Love...and just love being in love" affair. Take some time to stand back, learn and plan your strategy accordingly.
3. Confronting the OP often is a turning point in the affair. It stirs the pot. It brings facts to light. The affair is no longer hidden. The lack of the "secret" may remove the juice from the affair.
4. In that regard, it is helpful to know where the affair is in its development. Again, by knowing the type of affair, one can fairly accurately predict the longevity and process of the affair. Choosing a time when the affair is most vulnerable may be wise and lead to a most productive confrontation.
These are some tentative thoughts. Once I've gone through the case studies, I will put together an ebook just on confronting the other person.
Want more? Please go to my blog where I present a case study of a wounded wife who confronted the other person (attorney - who seemingly had a borderline personality) and had to set boundaries as the OP attempted to intimidate and threaten. A child was also involved.
Please read the case study and leave a comment. What would you do? Would you do something differently? What goes through your mind when you read the study? Click the comment button at the bottom of the article and leave your thoughts.
Your comments are gold. Deposit them.
As per last week...
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If you didn't do this last week... Once you've left your comment and have bookmarked the page(s), drop me an email (bob@bobhuizenga.com) and I will send you a gift.
You will receive the Personal Foundation Program. This Program has been used literally by thousands and probably millions by now to redesign their lives. It cost me big money to buy the rights to secure permission to give to you this program. You cannot buy it in a store, online, anywhere, that I know of.
I've used it over the past 10 years and it has changed my life.
It's extensive (you can easily spend a couple years on the exercises) is practical (workbook format) and covers any area you want to work on in your life.
It's in a pdf download format that you can save, print out, etc.
Again, send me an email telling me you have left a comment and bookmarked my pages and I will give you a download link.
I appreciate your help! Bob
