Emotional Infidelity: 18 smart things to do when faced with an emotional affair
A common plea: But, we're "just friends." However the "emotional connection" is quite obvious by the amount of time spent in communication and the "vibes" that are set off.
These emotional connections often arise at work or in a social context in which working intensively toward a common goal consumes energy.
This type of affair usually corresponds closely with Affair #4, outlined in my ebook, Break Free From the Affair. This is an extramarital affair in which the cheating spouse "fell out of love...and just loves being in love."
Here are 18 smart things you should do if you are confronted with an emotional affair:
1. Hang onto your seat. Drama rules.
2. Don't allow him/her to tell you about the other person.
3. Expect juvenile behavior (love notes, special names, etc.)
4. Refuse to buy into the silly notion that they are "in Love." In reality it's a sign of personal neediness and inner emptiness.
5. Laugh when s/he says to you, "I love you, but am not in love with you."
6. Refuse to question your capacity to love.
7. Refuse to attend romantic comedy movies or read grocery checkout tabloids which espouse this type of shallow love.
8. Refuse to plead, beg and promise.
9. Tell him/her you would like to be married to an adult.
10. Tell him/her good luck in redoing his/her adolescence.
11. Refuse to accept his/her remorse for hurting you. State: You will only hurt yourself. I will be more than fine.
12. Expect his/her feelings for the other person to fade.
13. Induce reality.
14. Refuse to be the sugar daddy or the doting mother.
15. Ask Yourself: Do I REALLY want to be married to this person.
16. Refuse to compare yourself to the other person. You are not defective!
17. Slow the pace. Learn to be silent with him/her. Don't buy into the drama.
18. Contextualize - use short, powerful, reality oriented statements such as:
- You know your feelings for him/her will fade, don't you?
- You seem so needy and unsure most of the time.
- Is there ever any quiet in your life?
- You certainly have passion. Hope it doesn't bite you.
