Emotionally Battered and Bruised by a Rage Affair
You will learn:
- how Lynnette finds her strength and power amidst an affair marked by passive rage and disregard.
First, here’s a partial coaching review by Dr. Huizenga of a taped Laser Coaching Session with Lynnette:
After 15 months of “hanging in there with the affair ” Lynnette drew the line and said, enough is enough. She chose to gather his belongings and asked him to leave.
He responded with rage, moved out and continues to make life difficult through the initial stages of divorce.
Lynnette describes him as a consummate”game-player” who has a powerful need to exercise control and power over her. He arranged, before the divorce, finances in way which left Lynnette impoverished. Lynnette’s attorney concurs with his devious nature and predicts it would take a long time to sort through the chaos and reach the final stages of divorce.
Lynnette continues to struggle with holding her own when facing him and negotiating child care and other issues. She reacts and finds her rational thinking abandoning her.
Lynnette is finding self-care strategies that help her tremendously. Periodically, especially when feeling negative, she “steps outside the bubble” and becomes an observer of the situation. This provides immediate and helpful relief.
Lynnette continues to find ways to take charge of her life.
Dr. Huizenga ‘s Review:
1. It appears Lynnette is coping with a Rage Affair. It is extremely important to identify the Rage that sometimes lurks beneath the apparent revenge. In Break Free From the Affair I indicate that the dynamics of these affairs differ remarkably.
As well, the chances for saving a marriage or relationship are significantly better for a Revenge Affair as opposed to the Rage Affair.
Here’s what I say in the ebook:
“There is another kind of revenge affair that holds less hope and is more destructive. A revenge affair may be the result of long-standing and unresolved anger or rage toward the opposite sex. There is a persistent pattern of the person pushing others away with rage or anger. There also is a great deal of projection, or this person blaming others for his/her situation.
This form of anger is more rage than frustration. The rage emerges from a desire to hurt rather than from the frustration of needs not being met. This person exhibits little concern, as well, for the other person.”
2. Lynnette’s personal physical safety is a primary concern if she faces the Rage Affair. Lynnette is not fearful of physical reprisal. His rage appears to be channeled more passively.
He went to considerable effort to insure her financial demise before divorce papers were filed. This action tended to be more passive in nature, but highly destructive nonetheless.
She also reported a long history of verbal abuse and put-downs.
3. A persistent lifetime of verbal and passive-aggressive battering take its toll. The wounds to the soul eventually become scars that cover health and well-being.
And this process erodes one’s self-esteem in a pernicious and cumulative way. Lynnette wakes up one morning and realizes how little she thinks of herself, how reactive she is to his every word and thought and how she no longer has a core of well-being from which to make decisions and act in life.
However, it seems as if a part of her summons the strength to make some initial and life-changing decisions.
4. Lynnette at one point made a conscious decision to be strong. She packed his bags. It was over if his behavior continued.
He did not know how to respond effectively to her stance, so he responded in his typical way: got mad and left, probably envisioning pay-back scenarios.
Another sign of Lynnette’s strength and maturity was her capacity to look beyond herself to guide her decision making process. She had a daughter whom she loved dearly.
Lynnette KNEW she was making decisions not only for her future but also for the future of her daughter. Her daughter was watching her closely, deciding what kind of woman she would be and how she would do it.
For the present well-begin and future make-up of her daughter, Lynnette chose to “be strong.”
5. Lynnette developed a powerful tool enabling her to “be strong.” Actually, it was her 13 year old daughter who suggested it one day. She said, “Mom, you need to step outside the bubble and just watch. Be an observer.” Now, where this 13 year old came up with this prescription defies logic.
The remainder of the review and the audio tape are included in the new audio series: 19 Live Infidelity Coaching Sessions with Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach. Order in the box below:
19 Live Infidelity Coaching Sessions
with Dr. Huizenga – The Infidelity coach
- shift your focus away from the pain
- see the issues rather than feel the issues
- feel good about your progress and strength
- clear the cobwebs, get the clear picture
- build your skills for your next intensee encounter
- learn how to act with power and integrity not react out of neediness and weakness
You will receive:
- 19 live coaching interveiws 15-20 minutes long with a variety of people coping with different kinds of extramarital affairs. (Over 5 hours of listening.)
- A workbook containing:
- an introduction to each situation by either Dr. Huizenga or the coachee
- an extensive summary and comments by Dr. Huizenga about the session
- dozens of comments from others, like you, who have listened the tape, offering their input, words of wisdom or personal experience.
- The ability to listen to the tapes online.
- The ability to download the tapes onto CD or MP3 format.