Knowing the Truth About the Affair is Bittersweet!

Once the truth is discovered or even in the process of discovering the truth, the seeking partner often runs into extremely conflicting feelings. There is a need to know and yet the knowing often leads to pain.

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Last week I asked if you had any experience with “spying” or as I prefer to call it, truth discovery.

I’ve talked to some who are dead against spying. So, I was not sure what your response would be.

Well, a huge number of you have or are in the process of spying. You need to know.

You don’t always know why you need to know, but it’s as if a part of you often cannot stop looking, wondering, checking and figuring out ways to discover the truth.

There are specific reasons for this. Actually, I wrote on article or two a few months back on this very need to know the truth.

However, I won’t get into that today.

Here’s a major theme that runs through your truth discovery experience: It leaves you with a bittersweet feeling.

It feels good to know the truth. And, It feels awful to know the truth. Those two feelings often walk hand in hand.

It also became apparent that truth discovery should be given much forethought. This should not be an impulsive act or response.

Think through what you want to accomplish. And, most importantly, ask yourself, “Am I emotionally ready to handle what I might find?” This is a KEY question to pose.

To give you a flavor of your experience of spying, I’ve chosen a few responses to the survey to share:

Here was the survey question: What was your experience of spying? What did you use to spy (gps, PI, keylogger, etc)? What was the outcome of spying for you? helpful? Not helpful?

>>>>Checking cell phone in the shower, looking up numbers on the internet (reverse cell look up I had to pay for). It was definitely helpful

>>>>I checked his cell phone when he wasn’t looking, snooped through his brief case when he left it unlocked, figured out his password to his email. This all gave me lots of information and helped me confront him with all his lies. Although it helped it ripped my heart to shreds reading him declaring his love for her.

>>>>Technical tools. Outcome was helpful from the perspective of learning the truth and the extent of the affair, but not helpful from the perspective of emotional handling of what I found.

>>>>I did spy and am still spying go to his phone see if he has phoned her or received calls. I watch the mileage on the car go through his clothes etc. It was helpful in as so far as that I know he is still seeing her and hearing from her although he denies it.

>>>>i used keylogger, webwatcher -highly recommend as it shows you what the other person is typing as well, itemized land line bill as well as caller id on phone. i found out how many sites he was surfing for cyber sex as well as adult chat lines

>>>>Yes, I was spying! I checked the Easy pass account to see where he was going after he knew that i was doing that he simply found a different way to go there or to just not use it. Also Cell phone not only looking at the actual call log but also on the cell phone bill the calls showed where they were made from and to, sort of like the cell phone company had gps signal to see where the calls were actually made from as well as what number was called. He then just got a cell phone off of her family plan that he used to call her. The outcome was, i knew where he went and when they talked, and yes it was torture but it helped me.