Feature Article
What is Your Story?

Resources from Dr. Huizenga

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Feature Article
What is Your Story?

I received an unusually high number of responses from you last week regarding the feature article: What is your turning point? I shared stories from others who relayed what was helpful for them in turning the corner in their infidelity.

So many of you said, thank you…it’s good to hear and know that others see their way through and often thrive.

Here are some more stories of those who have managed infidelity well:

I subscribed to your email newsletter and then I purchased the members only subscription. I printed off every single one of your exercises and even though I did not physically write out every one…I read them all and put a lot of thought into it. Reading the types of cheater was especially helpful in determining whether it was possible to save my marriage – what I would lose or gain as a result of my decisions. The decision I made was that I explored every possible way that things could be repaired, what damage had already been done and could I live with the results. I could not fix the marriage and my partner was unable not only to do what was needed – but also not able to repair the damage. What was helpful at that point was the step by step exercises on the site that pointed out what my strengths were and the daily tasks I could do to be healthy. That is probably the statement I always came back to – the best revenge is healthy living and living well. Although an actual revenge plot did sound tempting – I took control of what I could. I lost 65 lbs through exercise and healthy eating, got a completely new look in many way and really gave myself permission to indulge in some time for me. It was ok to take a holiday, to treat myself to some pampering – even recognizing that "I" had needs – not always giving to someone else’s needs – it was an amazing revelation. Through all of this I found myself stronger and stronger to proceed with a separation and seeking the support of friends. It was the right choice for me and my children – and we have never honestly been happier. Their dad sees them one hour a day and occasional weekends – more than he did when we were together! :)

The turning point in my recovery was when I finally accepted that nothing I could have done would have prevented this office affair. I decided that I must let it go and stop punishing myself by "what ifing" about what I could have done better or different. Your website and material was my constant in the darkest days. I could log onto your website and always found comfort in knowing that there were many others going through the same thing I was. I am a very private person in a very public position so putting on a happy face everyday was difficult. Your site and information helped me to wear that happy face everyday.

I hit the weights….. The moment you realize no one knows your pain and that moment you feel like your bedroom walls close in on you……. that’s the day you start to heal. Life seems new. Break away from dependence and put yourself though hell so that the pain you feel is pain that is your own. No one can take ownership over pain like that. Wake up early, eat less, run till you think your lungs will explode. Pain like that makes you question why people are in relationships in the first place. A new world….. Welcome to your new world. You are smarter, stronger, and hard with scar tissue. Better than you have ever been…….

It’s been 4 1/2 years since my husband of 21 years had his affair. I turned to Dr. Huizenga’s website when I first found out. So many things hit the nail on the head and helped me realize I wasn’t alone. My situation was not special. I read each newsletter faithfully, but never did get my husband to read them. The real turning point in rebuilding our relationship came about one year ago when he told me he loved me more than he ever did. He couldn’t tell me why, but he said he now realized how important I was to him and how he could have thrown it all away for nothing. I will never forget that he cheated on me, but I have learned to forgive and Dr. Huizenga’s newsletters helped me along the way.

Separation, good talks with a befriended psychologist who helped me both to restore friendship and take distance. It became a challenge to redefine the goals of life and enhance communication in general, with my ex and other people, and see the effects of these efforts. Your material was useful in early stages, to help see different angles of a complex process and help to think of all the different factors that could have led to the present situation.

Your material help me become aware of things. Introduced a new way of looking at an age old problem….it also gave me some tools that I needed and the courage I needed to address the issues I was having.