Feature Article
4 Keys to Knowing the Affair is NOT Your Fault

Feature Article
Catching a Cheating Spouse

The chances for infidelity healing and the possibilities for stopping the affair and overcoming infidelity are greatly enhanced once it sinks into your heart and soul that you are not at fault for the affair. You are not defective. You did not cause him/her to jump into the arms of another person. You are not to be blamed for the infidelity.

Overcoming Infidelity means coming to this awareness and strong belief that you are not at fault or to blame for his/her actions. This infidelity healing liberates you from the debilitating feelings and thoughts and sets you on a new course of action and healing. As well, the capacity for you to intervene in the life of the affair in a highly effective manner is magnified.

So, the question becomes, “How to you truly reach this point in overcoming infidelity?” Most, when confronted by the infidelity are grabbed, held and immobilized by this sense of defectiveness and personal responsibility for his/her actions.

Here are 4 ways of shifting your thinking that will acclereate the infidelity healing and bring relief from the sense of blame and fault.

1. O.K. Accept the fact that in your relationships you made mistakes. Yes, you did. Some of them were maybe fairly large. But, who in a relationship of investment doesn’t make mistakes; some of them silly, some of them large? Could you have done something differently? Of course! We all could have. Coulda, woulda, shoulda.

“Mistakes” in a marriage are often fertile grounds for learning and growing. Did s/he use your mistakes as a springboard for learning and change? Did s/he come to you and say, “Hey, I don’t like this. Things need to change. Let’s work it out?”

And even if you made NO mistakes, how boring and predictable would that be? Yawn…..

2. come to the realization that the decision to enter into an affair is his/her personal decision. A rather poor decision, but his/her decision nonetheless.

You see, affairs have nothing to do with love (although you probably believe or s/he says s/he fell out of love with you and loves someone else) but more with three different factors.

Affairs may arise out of deep unmet personal needs (such as the affair type, “I Fell out of Love..and just love being in love.”) One become attached to another seeking to fill that emptiness or deep chasm. (Little does s/he realize that another person cannot make me “complete” – sorry Tom Cruise.)

Someone may choose an affair as a result of a character disorder (“I Don’t Want to Say NO’).

Or, s/he chooses an affair as an attempt to deal with a dysfunction life-long coping pattern (“I Can’t Say No”).

Infidelity is a blind attempt to manage one’s inner ghosts.

3. In conjunction with the realization of his/her personal ghosts is the relief you experience once you dig into learning about the characteristics of someone who would enter a specific kind of affair.

I outline 7 distinct types of affairs in my ebook, Break Free From the Affair. A person is likely to choose or act out a particular kind of affair depending on his/her personal characteristics. I list in detail the characteristics of a person likely to choose that type of affair.

I’ve received hundreds of emails from the wounded spouse exclaiming his/her relief once reading over the lists. Such comments as, “This is him/her to a “T.” Wow! this is right on! Now, they have a handle, a different handle on what they are facing. It makes sense. There is a pattern. Their sense of personal chaos is diminished.

4. Another significant shift in the “fault” game occurs when you discover that the OP (other person) is not “better” than you.

You may realize someday that you truly or worthy and have value as a person, and you need not compare yourself to the other person. Or as you begin to understand the dynamics of infidelity you discover that health and saneness is on your side.

My theory (hatched in over 25 years of clinical practice, research and my conclusions about the nature of humanity) tells me that eventually those who benefit MOST from infidelity are the wounded spouses. Why? They typically become the ones who in their pain, confront themselves, learn, make shifts in their thinking and feelings and redesign themselves in ways that are more harmonious with whom they truly are.

The cheating spouse? Well, s/he misguidedly throws him/herself more and more into his/her personal neediness, character disorder or coping pattern dysfunction. His/her emotions, values and behavior goes down the tubes, although s/he at that moment of infidelity and attachment to the other person may deny so.

That’s why the divorce and unhappiness stats for those who have an affair, divorce and marry another are exceedingly high. No learning, no personal evolution has emerged. At some point s/he may discover that s/he has taken him/her self with him/her… and that is the problem.

These shifts in your thinking are indispensable in getting on the path of health, well-being and as that happens welcome your new found personal power to shape your life, perhaps the path of the infidelity and perhaps the path and direction of your marriage or relationship.

Feature Article
Catching a Cheating Spouse The beginning of infidelity is often determining whether or not your spouse is cheating. This is not always easy to detect, since secrets and omission of facts and information run rampant. Is s/he? can be a question that at one level haunts.

First, you have your suspicions. Your intuition says, “This doesn’t feel good.” And, you confront him/her with your suspicions but the confrontation is met with denial, anger or assurance that is YOU and not him/her that has the problem.

Or, it may not feel good, but you are fearful of the confrontation.

But, a part of you knows better.

So, what do you do?

Some prefer to take action to get to the truth; to confront the reality of their situation; to know exactly what is happening so the appropriate and helpful actions can be taken.

But, how do you get to the truth?

I’ve run across a resource that does a great job of guiding someone in the process of discovering the truth – so that the discovery of the truth, as painful as it may be, is, in the long run, necessary for the resolution and perhaps saving your relationship.

This highly acclaimed e-book looks at the specifics of catching a cheating spouse.

In it, you learn:

How to gain 100% concrete biological evidence that your partner is having an affair, even weeks after your partner has had sex with their lover. Private investigators and police detectives use this sophisticated method, now you can too!

How to spy on your partner using the latest high-tech spy gadgets. Here’s everything you need to know about how to select the right gadgets, where to find them and what to avoid. Plus how to obtain
them for dirt cheap!

The cunning tricks the unfaithful will use to get you “off their back”. (And how you can easily prevent yourself from becoming a sucker for these wretched deceptions!)

Discover the top signs in your sex life that point to an affair and exactly how long the affair has been going on. You will be shocked by the results!

Unexplained business trips? Learn sophisticated techniques to catch them, even if you are miles away!

Find out about the key things to look out for in your partner’s dress
sense. Don’t overlook these solid clues that your partner is cheating.

Crucial things to consider before you catch your spouse in the act. Don’t cause yourself any more stress than you need to! We teach you all you need to know about collecting evidence and why it is important to keep it,… and what you must know about selecting the right gadgets for your covert surveillance!

If you want to take that step that moves toward finding the truth, and ONLY the truth will help you break free and perhaps save your marriage, please get this ebook now.

And, oh yes, if you are squeamish about this terribly unpleasant but sometimes crucially vital process of truth discovery, you may download my mini-ebook, “Should I Spy?” now. No cost for you.