7 Powerful Tactics to Break Free and Stop the Affair
Follow these 7 suggestions to stop the affair and I guarantee great results.
I guarantee that you will feel exceedingly better and I also guarantee that your spouse WILL NOTICE. If you want your spouse to STOP the affair, these are your best strategies, by far. They work.
With that said, let me also stress that to stop the affair is not an easy road, but is probably easier than you might think right now.
These strategies work beautifully for most kinds of affairs. I would guess that they are effective to stop the affair in 75% of cases. They are least likely to work with philanderers and those entrenched in strong addictive kinds of behaviors. To learn more about the different reasons for affairs, the prognosis for each and tips to combat and stop the affair, go to Step 3 in the Membership Page for Break Free From the Affair. If you are not a member, go to https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com and sign up for the membership.
Also know that these strategies demand strength, energy and emotional control. Are you there? Are you strong enough to control your feelings, to maintain positive thoughts about yourself, at least most of the time? Are you strong enough to stop the affair?
You may not be. Disovery of the affair usually takes a tremendous toll on one’s self esteem and emotional vitality. You might need proping. You might need to develop your strength and internal confidence before or at least during the time you try on these 7 strategies to stop the affair.
If you are not there, don’t worry and don’t berate yourself. There are resources to help build and prepare you for these strategies. It is normal to be devastated, angry, lost and confused. But, you can and will move on. You will be able to stop the affair. You will be able to break free.
One more thing…and this is a little tricky. Do not use these strategies as a manipulative tool to change what your spouse is doing. He/she will pick up on your motive and see through it. He/she will easily manipulate you back to where he/she wants you (wherever that was to make you predictable and controlable.)
You engage in these exercises and strategies not only because you want to stop the affair, but you want to do it for you. You know that this is the best way to live and at this point, be in a relationship with your spouse. This is the best way for you to survive and retain integrity.
Here’s the kicker. A by-product of these efforts is usually dramatic changes on the part of your spouse. Don’t be surprised if he/she moves closer. Don’t be surprised if he/she does a double-take. Don’t be surprised if he/she decides to “work on the marriage.” But, don’t expect it!
Here are the 7 tactics to break free and stop the affair:
1) Act Happy. Be as cheerful as possible. Be positive. Put on this behavior when you have contact with your spouse. Prepare yourself to act this way. Practice if need be. Be an actor, actress if need be. Fake it, if you must. Fake it til you truly do get to the point where you experience your life as positive. (It really is, you know!)
2) Get a life. Rekindle old hobbies or interests that you have discarded but still interest you. Try out new hobbies or interests. Think about what you really liked doing when you were 6 years old. Start doing that. (One coaching client “gave up dancing,” which was a passion, for her family and husband. Once she discovered his affair, she took it up again. She loved it. It was therapeutic. But, boy did he have a problem with it!).
3) Focus on 4 key words. Every day, every hour and every minute if need be, plaster your mind with these 4 life-saving words: I WILL MAKE IT! This becomes your mantra. Wake up with it. Put it on your mirror. Eat lunch with it. Go to sleep with it. Tell, convey in every which way to your spouse that you WILL MAKE IT. Say, “I will make it! I perfer to make it with you (if that is what you REALLY want), but if that doesn’t happen, if you don’t want to stop the affair, I will make it without you. Either way, I want you to know that I will make it.” State with erect, confident body language, unblinking, direct eye contact and calm, firm, consistent tone of voice.
4) To-the-point small talk. Make conversations with your spouse brief and to the point. Talk only about the solutions to specific problems that need to be addressed, such a particular bills, household or children concerns. Let silence prevail if he/she wants to “hook” you into melodrama. Getting into conversations like that will not stop the affair. Politely but firmly end such conversations.
5) Tend to agree. Try to find the kernel of truth in what your spouse is saying and agree with it. Acknowledge it. He/she says, “I don’t love you anymore.” You say, “It certainly seems that way. Thank you for your truthfulness.” He/she says, “I’m not sure what I want.” You say, “Yes, it must be confusing for you.” He/she says, “I’m thinking of moving out.” You say, “Do you have an idea of when you’re going to do that? Knowing would help me plan for my activites.”
6) Expand your social relationships, including those of the OPPOSITE SEX. Make new friends. Go to lunch. Surround yourself with interesting people who have the potential to care about you. Rekindle old friendships that have faded. With the opposite sex? Yes! I’m not talking about a revenge affair or sleeping with somone. I’m not talking about dating. Meet new people, but don’t make it a manipulative tactic to get him/her to stop the affair. I’m talking about being friends and learning about you and how you relate, especially to those of the opposite sex.
7) Get sexy – in a healthy way. Get in shape. Lose weight. Run. Walk. Exercise. Eat right. Enjoy your body. Take supplements. Take extreme care of your body. Begin to feel healthy…and healthy is sexy.
Focus on one of these tactics and begin now. Don’t wait.
Membership in Break Free From the Affair supplements you with tools, exercises and resources to help you on this journey and insure that you are successful. Make sure you take advantage of these resources.
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Dr. Huizenga is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 20 years of professional experience, working with hundreds of couples and thousands of individuals. He has done extensive research and study in the specialty area of extramarital affairs.
Dr. Robert Huizenga
https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com
Break Free From the Affair
