Ask Dr. Bob – Infidelity and Determing when it is Time to Say Good-bye

Say Good-bye
This Married Man is Stringing her Along
How can one in an affair acheive effective closure and dignity?

Hi Dr. Bob,

I’m writing to you in regards to being involved with a married man. Our relationship is more than meant to be and we are aware of this, the only thing that is stopping his divorce is the money. Apparently it will cost alot to get out of his crappy relationship and I find this a poor excuse. We have been together for more than 4 yrs and his wife is clueless. But I’m getting to the point where its always going to be “HER” and not me. What should I do?

My response:


In this country, if someone wants something badly enough, money is not an object. A huge part of you knows that his reason is as flimsy as a tent in a hurricane, doesn’t it? It IS an excuse.

It sounds as if he has been dancing on the surface of relationships. I think: “His wife is clueless?” Not much must be happening there! And, even though it may “feel” as if your relationship with him was made in heaven, you know you only get so much and you will NEVER experience the richness and power of a relationship facing the slings and arrows of a life lived in the “real” world.

What do do?… (continued)

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