Comments for Break Free from the Affair http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com Just another WordPress site Mon, 17 Oct 2011 15:23:28 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 Comment on Extramarital Affairs Make Some Stronger by A cheater's wife http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2010/10/11/extramarital-affairs-make-some-stronger/#comment-912 A cheater's wife Mon, 17 Oct 2011 15:23:28 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=183#comment-912 Thank you for sharing your story which is also my story. I am still commited to my marriage; however, my husband wants his cake and eat it too. Not only the OW emailed about the affair she included pictures... Sooo evil and shes fighting for this guy who cant admit to his actions.. On top of this he is emotional and verbally abusive . I know god will give us double blessings for our faith. I know we will be fine with or without him if he walks out.. He wont leave even when i told him to go And search himself. Thank you for sharing your story which is also my story. I am still commited to my marriage; however, my husband wants his cake and eat it too. Not only the OW emailed about the affair she included pictures… Sooo evil and shes fighting for this guy who cant admit to his actions.. On top of this he is emotional and verbally abusive . I know god will give us double blessings for our faith. I know we will be fine with or without him if he walks out.. He wont leave even when i told him to go And search himself.

]]> Comment on What is My Strategy for this Type of Affair? by lyn http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/08/19/what-is-my-strategy-for-this-type-of-affair/#comment-782 lyn Sat, 01 Oct 2011 02:08:26 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=58#comment-782 Diane, Horrible situation. My situation is that me and my husband are average decent people who got along very well. We were having some issues that got blown out of proporation, we stopped communicating, and then he met someone at work. They get along well, so now he wants to leave me. He has created and maintained a cold environment at home by basically ignoring me day and night. He refused counseling and refused to stop seeing the other women. I remained calm and said we all make mistakes, and I will remain here to see this through. He can not understand why I won't kick him out. It buys time, but it doesn't seem to do any good since he likes her and they are in constant contact with text, e-mail and home visits, gift giving, dining out. She lives in the general area so he can see her whenever. I will continue to charge neutral (remain calm) as best I can, but I think I have to let go. Its been over 1.5 years and he remains stead fast in being very cold and distant. Don't know what else to do. I can't change him and I can't seem to change much about myself other than get out more and get a life or more of a life. Terrible place to be in. HELP! Diane, Horrible situation.
My situation is that me and my husband are average decent people who got along very well. We were having some issues that got blown out of proporation, we stopped communicating, and then he met someone at work. They get along well, so now he wants to leave me. He has created and maintained a cold environment at home by basically ignoring me day and night. He refused counseling and refused to stop seeing the other women. I remained calm and said we all make mistakes, and I will remain here to see this through. He can not understand why I won’t kick him out. It buys time, but it doesn’t seem to do any good since he likes her and they are in constant contact with text, e-mail and home visits, gift giving, dining out. She lives in the general area so he can see her whenever. I will continue to charge neutral (remain calm) as best I can, but I think I have to let go. Its been over 1.5 years and he remains stead fast in being very cold and distant. Don’t know what else to do. I can’t change him and I can’t seem to change much about myself other than get out more and get a life or more of a life. Terrible place to be in. HELP!

]]> Comment on Types of Affairs: Affair #1 – My Marriage Made Me Do It by Charlie http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2011/03/25/types-of-affairs-affair-1-my-marriage-made-me-do-it/#comment-679 Charlie Mon, 12 Sep 2011 01:02:55 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=404#comment-679 I have a question. I am not married, and due to job contraints, he lives in NC I live in FL .... will the book STILL help me SAVE the relationship? Seeing as I cannot 'check' on his lies (which I've caught him in several already) and he is not being transparent with me. Although today he sent me a text : I do want to start over and this will be tough for us. I don't know how long the affair was going on, but I 'discovered' it on June 24th. confronted him on it on July 1st (as he was out of the county until then) First he denied it - stating he thought the clothes he had put in a plastic bag in the corner of the toy room in his 5th wheel were mine [although size 42DD bra (I wear 38D) and size 12 capri pants (that I would not be caught dead in and I wear size 4) So - would it still be in my best interest to download your ebook to try to save the relationship --- having this distance between us ? Appreciate your response. I have a question. I am not married, and due to job contraints, he lives in NC I live in FL …. will the book STILL help me SAVE the relationship? Seeing as I cannot ‘check’ on his lies (which I’ve caught him in several already) and he is not being transparent with me. Although today he sent me a text : I do want to start over and this will be tough for us.

I don’t know how long the affair was going on, but I ‘discovered’ it on June 24th. confronted him on it on July 1st (as he was out of the county until then) First he denied it – stating he thought the clothes he had put in a plastic bag in the corner of the toy room in his 5th wheel were mine [although size 42DD bra (I wear 38D) and size 12 capri pants (that I would not be caught dead in and I wear size 4)
So – would it still be in my best interest to download your ebook to try to save the relationship — having this distance between us ? Appreciate your response.

]]> Comment on The Emotional Affair by Frances http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2010/01/19/the-emotional-affair/#comment-545 Frances Mon, 05 Sep 2011 05:38:36 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=85#comment-545 Great video & right to the point. I discover my husband having and emotional affair, which I'm 99% sure turned into full blown affair, with my "so called girl friend". We went for marriage counseling which did not work out. Now one & a half year later he is still denying it saying that they were just friends & he was venting. He also has a Nacissistic PD which I found out in the meantime. Blames his behaviour on me and everybody else. I moved out a year ago & am ready to call it quit. He stoped the affair but is still lying & I don't intend to live like this, with a cheater & liar for the rest of my live Great video & right to the point. I discover my husband having and emotional affair, which I’m 99% sure turned into full blown affair, with my “so called girl friend”. We went for marriage counseling which did not work out. Now one & a half year later he is still denying it saying that they were just friends & he was venting. He also has a Nacissistic PD which I found out in the meantime. Blames his behaviour on me and everybody else. I moved out a year ago & am ready to call it quit. He stoped the affair but is still lying & I don’t intend to live like this, with a cheater & liar for the rest of my live

]]> Comment on Intro to Confronting the Other Person Webinar by Unknown http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2010/11/22/intro-to-confronting-the-other-person-webinar/#comment-514 Unknown Fri, 19 Aug 2011 04:53:53 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=226#comment-514 I confronted the other person after finding out a year and half ago. She denied the whole thing and put it off on one of her ex-coworkers. She even said that she would be willing to meet with my husband and I and say the same thing to his face. What a liar and coward she is. This made me realize that she was not worth talking to and what a real low life she is. I confronted the other person after finding out a year and half ago. She denied the whole thing and put it off on one of her ex-coworkers. She even said that she would be willing to meet with my husband and I and say the same thing to his face. What a liar and coward she is. This made me realize that she was not worth talking to and what a real low life she is.

]]> Comment on To Tell or Not to Tell….That is the Question by Daniel's Mom http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2010/10/13/to-tell-or-not-to-tell-that-is-the-question/#comment-506 Daniel's Mom Sun, 14 Aug 2011 09:48:37 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=186#comment-506 As much as I wanted to keep the fact that my husband was having an affair from my family to avoid them hating him for doing what he did it was beyond my control. My husband & I are still married & only 1 month & 1/2 after saying he wanted to move out because he had been unhappy for a long time decided he wanted to go public with his new relationship. He posted a picture of him & the OP on Facebook of all places. Friends & family everywhere saw the pix. Some people didn't even know that we were separated. It was embarasing that he was doing this & then for the whole world to know just made matters worse. Although I only told a few close friends & family members at first people always go run their mouths. You can't really trust anyone. As much as I wanted to keep the fact that my husband was having an affair from my family to avoid them hating him for doing what he did it was beyond my control. My husband & I are still married & only 1 month & 1/2 after saying he wanted to move out because he had been unhappy for a long time decided he wanted to go public with his new relationship. He posted a picture of him & the OP on Facebook of all places. Friends & family everywhere saw the pix. Some people didn’t even know that we were separated. It was embarasing that he was doing this & then for the whole world to know just made matters worse. Although I only told a few close friends & family members at first people always go run their mouths. You can’t really trust anyone.

]]> Comment on Confronting the Other Woman: Pain or Panacea? by Tracey http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/06/08/confronting-the-other-woman-pain-or-panacea/#comment-499 Tracey Fri, 12 Aug 2011 02:37:21 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/2009/06/08/confronting-the-other-woman-pain-or-panacea/#comment-499 I confronted the other woman through email. I had read 18 months of emails back and forth between her and my husband and the lies that he told her about me. I emailed her defending myself and pointing out that their relationship wasn't what they thought it was. They thought they were totally honest with each other and knew everything about each other. I informed her about his sexual obsessions and that he was on websites looking for women to fill those fantasies while he was having an 18 month affair with her. This was just the start of the information I provided her about him that she never knew. She has never replied to my email. It made me feel better to point out to her that I wasn't a "useless wife" and that she had no right to comment on my marriage when she only had one side of the story AND she was cheating on and betraying her own husband. What sort of wife was she? I would like to ask her questions as I still believe I don't have all the facts but I know she won't talk to me and since she's continuing to lie to her own husband, I doubt she'd tell me the truth. I've contacted her husband (supposedly he knew everything ... so she told my husband) to find that he knew very little. We've since compared notes and keep each other posted if our spouses are "absent for no reason". We all have a need to confront our accusers or the ppl who violate our rights ... but you need to be prepared for some resistance or argument back. I confronted the other woman through email. I had read 18 months of emails back and forth between her and my husband and the lies that he told her about me.

I emailed her defending myself and pointing out that their relationship wasn’t what they thought it was. They thought they were totally honest with each other and knew everything about each other. I informed her about his sexual obsessions and that he was on websites looking for women to fill those fantasies while he was having an 18 month affair with her. This was just the start of the information I provided her about him that she never knew.

She has never replied to my email. It made me feel better to point out to her that I wasn’t a “useless wife” and that she had no right to comment on my marriage when she only had one side of the story AND she was cheating on and betraying her own husband. What sort of wife was she?

I would like to ask her questions as I still believe I don’t have all the facts but I know she won’t talk to me and since she’s continuing to lie to her own husband, I doubt she’d tell me the truth.

I’ve contacted her husband (supposedly he knew everything … so she told my husband) to find that he knew very little. We’ve since compared notes and keep each other posted if our spouses are “absent for no reason”.

We all have a need to confront our accusers or the ppl who violate our rights … but you need to be prepared for some resistance or argument back.

]]> Comment on How Do I Get Him to Talk? by Nana http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2011/04/11/how-do-i-get-him-to-talk/#comment-494 Nana Sat, 23 Apr 2011 00:49:18 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=414#comment-494 Natalie- I struggle with the admit. I want him to tell me everything and his response last time is you would only add it to the list of things we can't do or you would never take me back. (I had to get him mad to get him to finally admit there is more) Then I think, what else do I need to know, what is the magic knowledge that will allow me to move on? Who am I to even consider taking him back? I am a strong person, but just not with this. Alan- please share where and how you found the strength? I can't seem to maintain it. I know part of it is due to my wanting it to be wrong and not accepting deep down this has happend. I keep expecting to wake up and it just be a nightmare. I am an smart person, but I still know that is how I feel deep down. And when I am tired and just needing that reassurance I succumb to the mindless conversation that is us. He doesn't want to leave me, he wants to move back in. He wants to make it as if it didn't happen and maintains that it will 'make us stronger' without any plan on how that would happen. His whole answer is time. Time will heal. My opinion is he is hoping time will make me forget. I am planning on telling him this weekend I don't want to see him unless I have to. I have been building myself up to this all week. Strength would be nice. Good luck to both of you. Natalie- I struggle with the admit. I want him to tell me everything and his response last time is you would only add it to the list of things we can’t do or you would never take me back. (I had to get him mad to get him to finally admit there is more) Then I think, what else do I need to know, what is the magic knowledge that will allow me to move on? Who am I to even consider taking him back? I am a strong person, but just not with this. Alan- please share where and how you found the strength? I can’t seem to maintain it. I know part of it is due to my wanting it to be wrong and not accepting deep down this has happend. I keep expecting to wake up and it just be a nightmare. I am an smart person, but I still know that is how I feel deep down. And when I am tired and just needing that reassurance I succumb to the mindless conversation that is us.
He doesn’t want to leave me, he wants to move back in. He wants to make it as if it didn’t happen and maintains that it will ‘make us stronger’ without any plan on how that would happen. His whole answer is time. Time will heal. My opinion is he is hoping time will make me forget.
I am planning on telling him this weekend I don’t want to see him unless I have to. I have been building myself up to this all week. Strength would be nice.
Good luck to both of you.

]]> Comment on How Do I Get Him to Talk? by Alan http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2011/04/11/how-do-i-get-him-to-talk/#comment-493 Alan Fri, 22 Apr 2011 07:50:50 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=414#comment-493 This situation is identical to mine, 30 years married and my wife has this friendship which develops into affair. Once we get over the trauma and understand that this is classic Mid Life Crisis then we know that this is NOTHING ABOUT US. They need boundaries defined. It will take time and it is painful. We need to be seen as strong because as Bob says they are completely confused, feel guilty, but dont see a way forward. As Bob says, make it clear that you have needs, they are not meeting them and you are looking for that good relationship. They want space, then give them it, let them leave or you move away for a time. (I moved away but support her financially). Now you have set a boundary and you focus on you being strong, because this is nothing about you. It is their problem and you can understand but dont need to accept bad behaviour. My wife may not come out of this, but I will be OK. You can do this and once you demonstrate your strength it will be respected. The outcome is unknown but you push the odds in your favour. Strength is what they dont have and what they need right now. Dont be in a hurry to take them back. You want assurances that this other person is gone and there will be no more. Or you will find another partner. Believe me once you are strong this is an easy thing to do. Your future is good. This situation is identical to mine, 30 years married and my wife has this friendship which develops into affair.
Once we get over the trauma and understand that this is classic Mid Life Crisis then we know that this is NOTHING ABOUT US. They need boundaries defined. It will take time and it is painful. We need to be seen as strong because as Bob says they are completely confused, feel guilty, but dont see a way forward. As Bob says, make it clear that you have needs, they are not meeting them and you are looking for that good relationship.
They want space, then give them it, let them leave or you move away for a time. (I moved away but support her financially).
Now you have set a boundary and you focus on you being strong, because this is nothing about you. It is their problem and you can understand but dont need to accept bad behaviour.
My wife may not come out of this, but I will be OK. You can do this and once you demonstrate your strength it will be respected. The outcome is unknown but you push the odds in your favour.
Strength is what they dont have and what they need right now.
Dont be in a hurry to take them back. You want assurances that this other person is gone and there will be no more. Or you will find another partner. Believe me once you are strong this is an easy thing to do. Your future is good.

]]> Comment on How Do I Get Him to Talk? by Natalie http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2011/04/11/how-do-i-get-him-to-talk/#comment-492 Natalie Wed, 20 Apr 2011 20:41:45 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=414#comment-492 Nana, Other than the fact that your husband is out of state, I can relate to a lot of what you said. My husband also doesn't admit to anything. He is in complete denial. Then, when I show him the proof I have, he blows up and somehow it becomes all my fault. I also agree that we, the wounded spouses, should NOT always have to be the ones to bend and play the game of trying to carry everything on our shoulders. Like your husband, my husband would come home and act like it never happened, so long as I promise never to bring it up. He doesn't want to face what has really gone on in our marriage. Even if I did that (not going to happen) I have no guarantee that he won't ever do this again. According to him however, he's done nothing. It makes me sick! Where do we go from here? What can we do to make these people, whom we love so much, behave like decent and honest men? I also think about what sort of a fool I must be to even consider taking the man back, should he confess to everything and get help. I must be a person who loves agony and heartache... how sad. While I still think the call was enlightening, it doesn't really get to the point of "Getting him to talk" ... how about "Getting him to admit"?????? Nana,

Other than the fact that your husband is out of state, I can relate to a lot of what you said.

My husband also doesn’t admit to anything. He is in complete denial. Then, when I show him the proof I have, he blows up and somehow it becomes all my fault.

I also agree that we, the wounded spouses, should NOT always have to be the ones to bend and play the game of trying to carry everything on our shoulders.

Like your husband, my husband would come home and act like it never happened, so long as I promise never to bring it up. He doesn’t want to face what has really gone on in our marriage. Even if I did that (not going to happen) I have no guarantee that he won’t ever do this again. According to him however, he’s done nothing. It makes me sick!

Where do we go from here? What can we do to make these people, whom we love so much, behave like decent and honest men?

I also think about what sort of a fool I must be to even consider taking the man back, should he confess to everything and get help. I must be a person who loves agony and heartache… how sad.

While I still think the call was enlightening, it doesn’t really get to the point of “Getting him to talk” … how about “Getting him to admit”??????

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