Emotional Affairs- Sexless Cheating
by Laura Giles, laura@otherchild.com, www.otherchild.com

One of the first things a woman will ask when she discovers her partner has had an affair is, “Did you love her.” If you doubt that affairs without sex are affairs, ask yourself if you would rather hear that the relationship was just about sex or that your spouse had an emotional connection to his lover.

You know it’s an affair if the relationship is a secret and you share things or do things with the other person that you wouldn’t want your partner to know about.

Emotional affairs are often explained away as harmless, but this is how affairs often start. The person doing the cheating often doesn’t feel he is vulnerable to an affair, isn’t looking for an affair, and doesn’t particularly want to have an affair, but sharing feelings, secrets, goals, and problems with someone who understands and listens creates intimacy. This can stimulate more sharing and further deepening of feelings, which can lead to falling in love and physical intimacy.

Most people say it’s easier to heal from physical betrayal than an emotional one, so sexless cheating is not a “harmless” dalliance. It can be a heartbreaker. If you are doing something you wouldn’t do in the presence of your spouse, stop. That’s the best way to know if your behavior is appropriate or not.

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