Day of Discovery: I’m a Mess! Do I Need Meds?
by Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach
Finding out, having your suspicions confirmed and staring at this ugly monster eye-ball to eye-ball for the first time is often gut wrenching. The impact on your feelings, your psyche, your body and how you think can throw your life into turmoil. Your body, your spirit and your mind revolts.
So, how do you cope? Should you seek out medication? Here are some considerations on this topic.
1. First, there is nothing wrong seeking a little boost or a break from the agony you experience. It is often difficult to keep in mind that your agony and pain is situational and this too shall pass. Not right away. But it will. But, in the meantime I encourage you to act to take the edge off the intensity.
2. Extreme difficulty sleeping, eating, holding food down, controlling your thoughts (you can think of NOTHING else except him/her or your situation), thoughts of abject worthlessness, and thoughts of ending it all indicate you need some temporary help to see you through the next few days and weeks.
3. How bad is bad? Use a scale of 1-10, 10 being as bad as it can get. Check yourself during the day on this scale. You will find recurring thoughts and feelings or “themes” that, at some level, you are working on and are in need of healing. Identify these “themes” and measure them on the scale each day. Are the negative thoughts and feelings more frequent? Are they more intense on the scale. This will guide you in your need for external support.
4. Do you find your behaviors changing dramatically? If you tend to be an outgoing person, are you withdrawing and isolating yourself more? If you tend to be quiet, are you expending much more “nervous” energy? Are people commenting on your different behaviors? Is it extremely difficult to be “yourself?”
5. Medical doctors and psychiatrists are the only people allowed to prescribe medication for the kind of trauma facing you. Contacting your medical doctor may be helpful, if you trust him/her. Medical doctors vary in their expertise and experience in prescribing medications for stress. Prescribing these medications is often a matter of trial and error. From my experience, what works best for one person may not work for another.
6. If your doctor lacks experience or prefers not to prescribe, check around. Ask friends and family if they know of any doctor who has the expertise and experience in this arena.
7. It may be helpful to set up an appointment with a local psychologist, marriage and family therapist, social worker or clergy. They often have a wealth of experience, can help you evaluate your situation and, if needed, refer you to someone they know who would effectively help you through this crisis.
Remember, your capacity to choose and act for your welfare is still intact. Claim this power. Use it. In the midst of your pain, you can find some of the support you need.
Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity.
1. Eight Thorough Steps to Break Free From a Sexless Marriage
Has the lack of good sex, or any sex been a long standing problem in your relationship?
Perhaps you are at a place where you can and want to not merely look at the lack of good sex in your life and relationship, but do something about it. (If the extramarital affair is fresh and your feelings are powerfully controlling you, I suggest you hold off on this resource until you move beyond the feelings – which you will do! So…if you are ready to tackle the sexual issues, I have a colleague and best friend, Dr. Andy Atwood, who has developed special resources for this very problem. His models are thorough and come from his vast experience and research as a therapist for the past 3 decades.
Click here to get this extraordinary tool.
2. Focus on Self-Care so You can More Powerfully “Charge Neutral.”
An extramarital affair demands tremendous energy and often throws your life off a healthy track – which further perpetuates your inability to respond in a healthy way to the crisis.
Don’t forget your body while you wrestle with infidelity. Use exercise and good nutrition to give you more confidence and control.
Here’s a site I recommend that will jump-start your self-care.
Get individualized training instruction, motivational coaching, personal advice, and 24-hour-a-day support for ALL your health, fitness, athletic and weight loss needs… without having to pay the hundreds or even thousands it would cost to hire a personal trainer. GHF is now the leader in the field of “online personal training” and it’s one of the original full-service fitness membership sites established on the net.
Merely click here for this Online Fitness Program, and you get absolutely FREE:
– 3 FREE months (6 months for the price of 3)
– A membership for the friend of your choice
– A body fat caliper
– The best-selling nutrition books: The Pocket Calorie, Fat and Carb
Counter and The Pocket Diary
If you need to talk more extensively and want to accelerate your pace through this crisis, sign up for one of the coaching packages.
Telecoaching: Coaching takes place over the telephone. Some call it telecoaching. We schedule a half hour phone consultation per week over the phone. (Sometimes more, depending on your needs.)
It’s simple. It’s convenient. It’s easy. It’s confidential.
Working with a coach may help you move through the affair more quickly, avoid the mistakes others make on their own, boost your self-esteem, make you feel better and help you get the life and love relationship you truly want.
Click here to check out the coaching packages.