What's the KEY to surviving an affair and eventually moving beyond it with a sense of relief and increasing joy?

Well, when the agony and betrayal of the affair envelops you and soaks into every cell of your body, mind and spirit, there is one question that you ask. You ask it over and over again.

And, you are probably not aware that you are asking it. It resides just below the surface of your thoughts. But, believe me it's there. You want it answered.

I was coaching someone recently and she "got it." We touched on the core of this question. There was silence. And then muffled tears. They were tears of relief, not sadness, agony or resentment. Her breathing slowed. She reached down and realized this was the question. She received the answer - if just for that moment.

Don't muddle in the affair. I've heard, counseled and seen countless people unwilling to shake the memories, the images, the rage and sense of helplessness.

A cauldron of anger lies just below the surface and is easily ignited. On edge, unwilling to give and welcome. Reluctant to EVER trust themselves to another person again. Their life of quiet desperation goes on and on and on...

They avoided, ignored, never faced the question and therefore received no answer, no relief, no joy.

You see, I know what the question is. It's not because I have a doctorate, am smarter, wiser or a guru. I walked blindly for years. And then I walked through the valley. The question kept emerging. I would push it away until it no longer would tolerate my blindness.

And, then I got it. Partially at first and then exponentially the fog was lifted.

This is not an easy valley to walk through, but it's much easier than muddling for the rest of your life.

I've coached and read testimonials from literally hundreds on my sites who "got it." And their "getting it" became stronger and stronger, accumulating more and more positive power over time.

I'm giving more and more thought to this question and how to serve you better in "getting it."

Really "getting it" takes time. I would say anywhere from 3-18 months for someone bumping into the wrenching agony of an affair.

Stay tuned. Something BIG is in the works that will dramatically help everyone face and answer this question with more intentionality and power.

Peace...

Bob

This article is posted on my blog along with other hard hitting and practical articles, as well as comments from thoughtful readers. Check out the blog!

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How to Feel Normal

You don't have to go this alone. Going it alone increases your tendency to believe there is something wrong with you. You need the input of others in your situation to help you stick with the belief "Maybe I and my responses are normal!"

We set up a new chat room for you to get support and encouragement from others and to learn from others. I sincerely hope you will try it out.

Go there. Look it over. Don't feel compelled to participate, if you are not ready. If so inclined, welcome others who enter the room.

The chat room is new. I'm testing it. It offers private rooms and instant messages, which are optional. You need to register to enter. I provide this to discourage hackers and undesirable souls! You privacy is solidly protected. You can divulge what you wish about your situation or self.

To ensure that a significant number of people are in the chat room at a given time, we set up a schedule whereby volunteer moderators will be present to welcome people and keep the room rolling.

If you want to volunteer reply to this email with your first name and email address in the first line of the body. I will get in touch with you as we develop the room.

OK. Ready? Go here to login to the chat room.