If you are like most, you feel like a Basket Case when first confronted by infidelity in your marriage or relationship.
And, you typically engage in the 6 Killer Mistakes that Most Make that are Guaranteed to Prolong the Affair and Your Misery that I outline.
It is crucial that you address your Basketcaseitis before you can effectively confront the affair.
Using any type of strategy while in the Basketcase Mode will be interpreted, most likely, by your cheating spouse as manipulation. S/he will more likely feel pity, rage and/or resentment toward you rather than positive feelings if your neediness blasts front and center.
So, the ultimate question: How do you extricate yourself from the Basketcase Mode?
I will show you how that happens. And, it can happen faster than you possibly thought. Those who’ve poured over parts of my material email within a couple hours uttering profound thanks for the new peace and relief they feel. It does happen.
To move from the Basketcase Mode, I’ve discovered 4 shifts that must take place.
1. First, you must forget all you have ever learned about infidelity. Now, you probably haven’t formally had training on the dynamics of infidelity, (not much exists) but informally through television, romantic novels, tabloids, gossip and movies, you picked up on powerful assumptions about infidelity and affairs. And 90% of these assumptions are dead wrong. Not only are they dead wrong, they are deadly. You will learn more about the myths in “Break Free from the Affair” and by blog posts.
2. You must come to the conclusion that the infidelity or affair is his/her problem. YOU don’t have the problem. Your cheating spouse does. Very very very very few affair relationships ever become healthy. Your cheating spouse’s life is going down the tubes. And, there are very specific reasons why it’s not your life, but his/hers that is gravely at risk.
3. You must be able to stand back and see the motives and reasons for his/her temporary insanity. And, there are reasons. Affairs just don’t happen and emerge out of thin air. Lifelong patterns, in some cases, almost guarantee an affair, an affair that had its seeds long before s/he met you.
4. You must move out of the victim role and assume your personal power. This is not as difficult as it may seem. Once the top three conditions are met you will feel your power. You will know your power. I want for you to hold your head high and be able to confront in a powerful manner (using charging neutral, a skill I teach) your cheating spouse, look him/her square in the eye, so that s/he is the first one to blink.