When you find out about your partner’s extramarital affair through spying on him or her, it usually ends up in an ugly confrontation between the two of you where your partner will likely accuse you of doing a terrible offense.
The whole issue of your spying becomes the center of attention, and your partner’s affair is just pushed aside like it was insignificant compared to what you did. This also gives your partner something to accuse you of – which is not trusting him or her – for why he or she was pushed into doing the affair in the first place. Your partner will hold on to this accusation even if he or she knows that that line of reasoning makes no sense at all, because it’s the only thing that you can be blamed for.
So when the accusations start coming – and they will – to make you out to be the bad guy, do not back down. Remember that it was not you who broke the trust in your marriage, that it was broken even before you started spying on your partner. And the only reason why you started spying on him or her in the first place was because you felt that something was not right, and you wanted to know what was going on or what he or she was up to. Problems with trust in your relationship were already present, hence the spying.
Your marriage was not destroyed because of your spying. It was destroyed because your partner cheated.
In cases like this, spying is done as a way to confirm the suspicions you are having about your partner. It isn’t done because you don’t trust your partner, which is what you are being accused of. You were spying because you wanted to know the truth and for no other reason.