How important is it to know the details of the affair?
When infidelity occurs in the marriage, it is common for the victim to demand to know the details of the affair – asking what happened, when, where and how – and everyone has their own personal reasons for wanting to know these things. If you find that your partner is unwilling to divulge or reveal the details of the affair and other things that you want to know though, you should understand that your partner has his or her own reasons for doing so as well.
A common theme or reason why your partner chooses to keep the details of the affair from you is because your partner is ashamed or guilty over the things he or she has done, and doesn’t see how it will benefit you to go through all of those things. Your partner is aware that what he or she did was wrong and is too scared or ashamed to admit and acknowledge it.
The way your partner sees it, revealing the details of the affair to you will only cause you pain, and him or her shame. So what’s the point in talking about it over and over?
Another reason could be that he or she is doing it intentionally because he or she sees that it hurts you to not know the details of the affair. This is especially true if your partner’s affair began as a kind of revenge for something you did or didn’t do that affected him negatively. Even if your partner is doing it unconsciously, he could be holding back on giving you answers because he is enjoying the fact that he is hurting you and making you squirm.
If none of these situations fits yours, take some time to really evaluate what is happening and why it is happening. This way, you can plan different strategies or tactics on how to fix the problem.
You should also ask yourself why it is important for you to know what your partner did during his or her infidelity? What are your reasons for wanting to find out the details?
The reasons behind your wanting to find out the details of the affair could prove to be beneficial in helping you move forward in your life after the affair.