Online Cheating Questions

A

My survey stirred a great response with many questions. Feel free to leave comments below to some of these questions:

I believe that any effort to rekindle old “friendships” or forget new ones online (as by any other means) should be shared, at least in so far to divulge it is happening, with a “significant other” — whether married or not. What say you?
—–
My husband and I are recovering from his internet cheating. He claims that he would never have started his online fling with an old school classmate if things were not already bad in our marriage. I wonder if he had not met this woman online, would he have eventually spoken to me about the issues in our marriage? I found out by figuring out his password and going in to his Facebook account. At first he said I was invading his privacy. Eventually, he befriended the woman and severed all contact with her, but still communicates with other former classmates. Should I be concerned that the pattern will repeat, or can I trust that now that he and I are communicating and working on our relationship, this will not happen again?
—–
How do you tell the difference between- “just friends” and something more? What should be the normal “internet” boundaries for someone in a committed relationship? Is it okay to check your spouse’s email, internet history, etc? Should committed couples share internet passwords? Does the other person ever understand the damage they cause? What if the other person tries to make friends with the uninvolved spouse?
—–
FINALLY!!!! There is NOTHING OUT there that deals with this!!!! That’s where we’ve been for 10+ years! I’ve noticed that my husband can’t make a commitment to anyone in person, men or women, me included, but online, whoa…look out he’s there for everybody!
—–
My husband found his mistress on an online dating site. when he left me (separated but still not divorced) I hooked up with a guy from online too (via Facebook). It’s too easy to feel like it isn’t really cheating because that person isn’t sitting there next to you, but it’s a short step to moving things to the real world and then developing an attachment that is very hard to break with that person. My husband is still struggling to let go of his mistress.

This entry was posted in Dr. Huizenga's Blog Posts, Emotional Distance, Emotional Infidelity, Infidelity and Intimacy, Infidelity Marriage, Infidelity Pain, Internet Cheating, Surviving Infidelity and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Online Cheating Questions

  1. Pete says:

    Cheating is cheating. If you’re talking sex and talking about leaving your spouse and hiding conversations your cheating. My own spouse won’t admit to it either she says that she’s sorry and the things won’t happen again but when you invite people to hotels, send pro active photos implying that you’re giving them mental images of oral sex and talking to them about how bad you want them that’s cheating. It’s been a year since I found out she was doing this for 5 years behind my back trying to make arrangements and having conversations with multiple people that just tells me that you’d actually cheat and that you have issues. And shouldn’t have married me if you had this horrible history of cheating. She still doesn’t understand the damage she’s done and expects me to be over it. It’s not that simple making decisions to stay or divorce isn’t easy along with all the mental abuse that comes with it and then the whole thing of not knowing if they were cheating on you or not or if they’re telling the truth. I hate this situation I really do. I would do anything for a loyal woman but you break that line of trust and people just don’t understand why you’ll never trust them or feel the same about them ever again. I’d rather have died then ever have these infidelities in my marriage. And so far I’m still at a loss as to where to go from here. I feel trapped

    • Corey says:

      I went through having my wife cheat on me by texting and chatting with a supposed man she dated before meeting me. I found pictures sent to her by him of his genitals, more requests of pictures of her, and her saying how she wished she was there to see him. This happened several times with request by him to meet up if she could visit him out of town…he lives 400 miles away in the same state. I found this out AFTER she was having an emotional turned physical affair on me with some guy she went to junior high school with years ago. I caught them coming out of hotel room. She claimed that nothing happened that they just talked because he needed to talk about his drug addicted daughter. She claims he was there because she was going to drop him off to see his daughter the next day! What a story!!!
      I will never trust my wife completely. Really no one ever should. I trust and verify and so should you. Your wife needs to be totally transparent with you. You should have her passwords and you should be able to check her phone…she owes it to you. Your computer should be in a common area of the house where she is visible. I would put key logging software on all computers and check periodically.
      I know it sounds paranoid but you have to verify before trusting and she should know that it’s her job to prove to you that she wants to and is changing her ways for you.
      It’s not easy but prayer, communication, and a willingness on my wife’s part to work to make things better has made things better.
      I spend more time with my wife and I have made an effort to make her feel special… I wasn’t doing my job and she was trying to get needs met. Still not a good excuse to cheat and she realizes this now.
      I hope things work out for you. I found out about what my wife was doing 5 months ago. It’s been the hardest thing ever but I am strong and will survive with or without her. Don’t compromise your integrity due to her lack of integrity.

      • Kathleen says:

        It is not your job to keep your spouse faithful. It is her job. There is no justification for adultery and it is NEVER the betrayed spouse’s fault. Too many times those in this industry try to use the causation reasoning to justify affairs. Do not fall for it. It is a character defect in the cheater. It is selfishness in the cheater. It is about power and manipulation. It is about “trying on” a new relationship while enjoying the safety of the current relationship.

  2. TM says:

    My fiancé cheated on me with numerous women online through email and text and found them on Facebook. One he slept with one time so he said. Facebook is the worst thing out there. It’s an open door for this to happen. I stayed with him and it has been a year 1/2 since it happened and I still do not completely trust him and we are still not married yet since I still have trust issues. My decision. We now have a baby which has helped me try to move on with the hurt feelings but triggers constantly come up. It’s the worst thing that happened to me and I have to constantly be reminded every day. I wish I was strong enough to accept it happened and move on with my feeling and life. I wish I was strong enough to forgive him so I can move on from it but I’m not yet. I wish I knew how. I still hurt every day and we still go to therapy.

  3. Mary Claus says:

    Some people don’t think online communication of any kind is cheating. But, it most certainly is. The person participating in the activity does not get that their actions are hurtful to the one with whom they claim to be in a committed relationship . Usually they are narcissistic and unable of empathy. It’s a thrill for them to sneak around in any way they can to do things they know are wrong…because they are not wrong, in their minds…until they are caught (if they even admit anything then!). With all the available social media and porn sites out there (billion dollar industries of corruption) it’s a horrid temptation for the weak. And for the strong. Although I appreciate technology, the internet has created a lot of challenge to fidelity and has ruined countless marriages and relationships. It sure has affected mine.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *