The overwhelming feelings of devastation created by infidelity or a marital crisis often lead one to start chasing or pursuing the spouse. One spouse pursues. The other spouse distances or runs.
The pursuer often believes that the distancer is a key to overcoming the painful feelings and so s/he pursues or tries to wiggle out of him/her whatever possible to alleviate some of the pain, confusion or other negative feelings.
Pursuing often follows the course of pleasing, being whom the pursuer heard the distancer always wanted, being more loving and romantic, using different forms of persuasion and so forth.
And, the pursuer is often unaware that that very process, those very tactics in essence, usually drive the distancer further away.
No marital healing, restoration or resolution can effectively take place if this imbalance is not acknowledged and addressed.
The pursuer and distancer must get to the bottom of the need to pursue and distance.
And, effective communication must take place around this topic.
Related posts:
- top problems
- top problems
- Your Lousy Marriage…Continued
- Marriage Communication: Getting Your Spouse to Talk
- 22 Qualities That Create Emotional Connection in a Marriage
- “My Marriage Made Me Do It” and Confronting the Other Person
- Marriage Myths Dispelled: Part 2
- Marriage After Infidelity: Will Infidelity Destroy Your Marriage?
- Marriage After Infidelity: Will Infidelity Destroy Your Marriage?
- Marriage Myths Dispelled: Part 1
