I believe that we don’t know much about infidelity, that the public doesn’t know much about infidelity and the more you know, the more distinctions you make. I try to make distinctions in the seven types of affairs. The more distinctions you make, the more you peel back the onion and discover what’s underneath it and then peel back another layer, and another layer. It gives you more options. It gives you more options to phrase different words. It gives you more options to try different behaviors and that equals your own sense of personal power. When you have your sense of personal power here, when you know that you can target something, rather than blast away, man, you are on a powerful road and other people around you, your cheating spouse included, will notice.
So what you want to do is act rather than react. Acting means stating your position. That’s what I do a lot in coaching. I help people state their position. I say, “What do you truly, really want to say to this other person, without referring to the other person?” In other words, “State your position.” That’s very powerful. You do that by charging neutral. Charging neutral is a general skill that I teach that’s good in all seven different kinds of relationships, all seven different types of affairs. Charging neutral destroys triangles, and affairs are really nothing but a triangle.