11. Get to know you.

Use the Holiday Season to get in touch with the real you. So much of our pain is often focused externally; what our spouse is doing, not doing; what we are getting or not getting from him/her. So much of our pain is focused on our lack and our personal needs not being met by him/her/them. Much of that we CANNOT control. And so we feel helpless, which augments our pain.

Make a shift. Take some intentional time to know you. Here’s a specific exercise.

Make a list of your top 5 personal needs. A full list in the form of the “Needless Program” is available after you fill out the survey for this article. Spend a few days during the Holiday Season completing the “Needless Program.”

Define your standards. A standard is an action or behavior you hold yourself to because that is the kind of person you are.

Take some time each day to complete this sentence:

I am someone who_________________________________________.