Affair number three is “I Don’t Want to Say No.” With someone who is involved in an “I don’t want to say no” affair, there is usually a low emotional investment in that relationship. We’re talking here about the theme of narcissism. Someone who is involved in an affair, who says, “I don’t want to say no” usually has some narcissistic tendencies, which means that they are entitled, they’ve worked so hard, they’ve done so many great things that they’re entitled to this type of affair. Again, the issue is not so much on developing a warm, intimate relationship as it is, just getting my needs met and having people serve me and be subservient to me.
Now, the risk you have here, if you confront your cheating spouse who’s involved in an “I don’t want to say no” affair, is that you may intensify the anger. Often, an narcissistic person will use anger to push people away. If that person is fairly well entrenched in their narcissism, it just may stir up the anger and you’re out of the picture.
The reward here is that in confronting the other person, you may find that you have a lot in common with the other person because the other person is being duped, as well. You may discover that your cheating spouse is telling the other person lies about you and telling you lies about the other person. By creating an alliance here with the other person, the cheating spouse is caught. That may be a catalyst for some type of change.
Again, confronting the other person with this knowledge, you may feel a sense of empowerment, because it’s very difficult often to feel a sense of power with a narcissistic person. This person, the narcissistic person, wants you to be powerless in his or her sight. To feel a little bit of power here, that you do have some influence, that you do have some control, that you are not subservient, can really help you move in a positive direction.