Overcoming Infidelity in Marriage: Where’s Your Focus?

Today’s blog is about the benefits of focusing on one’s own happiness as a strategy for dealing with a spouse or partner who vacillates, has mood swings or changes their mind continuously. One day, one moment he or she wants a divorce, the next day or moment he or she feels remorseful and wants to work on the marriage. We feel jerked around, like a puppet on a string, uncertain of which mood or desire is going to show up next. Often this pattern of relating with our spouse or partner has been in existence for a long time, even years. We do have the power and ability to break free from the dizziness of these swings. We do not have to be a helpless victim of our partner’s wavering commitments. Overcoming infidelity in marriage is all about calling back our own power of choice, standing in our ability to choose our response to ANY circumstance and not feed our partner’s wavering indecisiveness (the redundancy of the experience can be really wearisome too!). The key to breaking free of these swings is to change one’s focus. Shift from “I wonder what he or she is going to want next?” to “What do I want next? What do I want (and NEED) now?” Not in a childish, selfish, “I’ll show you” kind of way, but in a way that focuses on what it is that would make a real and substantial contribution to your

overall and long term happiness. Peace and Blessings.

Jeryl

jeryl Jeryl Swantack Your Break Free Coach

 

 

 

About Jeryl Swantack, MA, JD

Go to http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/coach to learn more about Jeryl Swantack, Relationship Coach.
This entry was posted in Emotional Infidelity, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Marriage, Infidelity Pain, Infidelity Reasons, Jeryl's Blog Posts, Marital Crisis and Self Esteem, Relationship Communication, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity, Types of Affairs and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Overcoming Infidelity in Marriage: Where’s Your Focus?

  1. Vanessa Latham says:

    My husband was the unfaithful one (Ashley Madison).
    In all honesty, I’ve been the one going back, and forth. One day I want a divorce, another day I want to work it out.
    He’s had his bags packed for weeks, because I have asked him to leave so many times.
    I want to protect myself, and never be lied to again, then, I don’t want to throw away 15 years together.
    We are in counseling, it’s been a long, hellish year.

  2. Joe says:

    Hi Vanessa. Sorry for your pain. It takes a long time for the pain you are feeling to lessen. You love your husband and want things to be like they were before he cheated on you. You can’t get the images of him being emotionaly and physically connected with this ow. When those videos start playing in your mind you have a bad time dealing with it and you want to throw him out. Your Hart breaks all over again. Because of the love you still have for your husband you feel this pain. He is lucky to have a wife that still loves him dearly after what he had put you thru, and what you still have to go thru. I hope he is feeling real remorse for what he he did with this ow and how it hurt you. Your hopeing what he had with the other woman was a bad mistake and that she couldn’t hold a candle to to you.

  3. Carol says:

    It seems reasonable to tell someone to focus on their own happiness. Trouble is, with infidelity, if you’re attached to your spouse, it’s like telling someone to just enjoy shopping for kitchen curtains when you know the entire foundation of your house is crumbling to dust! If you decide to sever your relationship, then you can work on your own happiness much more successfully. If you remain married, I suggest you forget the kitchen curtains for now and focus on your relational foundation with all your heart and soul. Although I had my own activities and things that mattered, without a firm marital foundation, I couldn’t enjoy myself nearly as much. Now that our foundation is firm again (it took 7 years!) , I am enjoying life more than ever. That’s just what worked for me. Good luck, everyone!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *