Do I Truly Want to be Married to Him/Her?

Unhappy couple having an argument on the couch at home in the li

This is THE question.

Don’t take it lightly. Dr. Huizenga will teach you how to dig underneath and confront your motives.

Only motives honed by this question will enable you to save your marriage or reconcile the affair.

Learn why.

This entry was posted in Dr. Huizenga's Blog Posts, Emotional Distance, Emotional Infidelity, Infidelity Marriage, Infidelity Pain, Surviving Infidelity, Surviving Infidelity Videos and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to Do I Truly Want to be Married to Him/Her?

  1. Gayle says:

    Thank you; the questions you pose are excellent. However, do you also provide further information/guidance on how to handle the various circumstances that are the subject of this video?

  2. Dr. Robert Huizenga - The Infidelity Coach says:

    Hi Gayle,

    Jeryl and I provide coaching over the telephone that often helps clarify and answer the question. It is a difficult question and you are right, the question is surrounded by a host of concerns, personal needs and other circumstances. Wishing you the best, Bob

  3. lggeist@hotmail. com says:

    None of the videos wiil work for me. I like to read the artcles better. Now I feel frustratrate at not getting the info on the videos.Can you post the transcripts of the video artcles?
    Thanks.
    Lisa Geist

    • Dr. Robert Huizenga - The Infidelity Coach says:

      Good idea, Lisa. I will find a place that will transcribe. Stay tuned.

      • Rik Hunter says:

        I’m absolutely with Lisa, the video medium seems to ‘get in the way’ for me.
        The written stuff I can mull over and re-read, it’s so important that I feel the videos somehow exclude me.
        The written word, from you and correspondents, is so useful – and can be addressed in private and referred to in part or whole at will.
        Time has to be set aside to watch video, I can’t, so don’t do it and feel I’m missing subtleties and nuances from you that are so important.

  4. Nickie says:

    Ok…I clicked on “view video” it brought me to this page…where’s the video? Is my computer blocking a link or what else am I supposed to do to view the video?

    • Dr. Robert Huizenga - The Infidelity Coach says:

      Hi Nickie,

      It would seem to be your computer. Mine is working fine. Give it some time… the download of the video may be very slow.

  5. Mollie says:

    Excellent! Read your book Break Free From the Affair and it has helped so much. I am finally starting to feel okay with the pain and hurt I feel; realizing the get through it you must not run from it. Face it head on, feel it, understand it, and this too shall pass.

  6. Lachlan Scanlan says:

    Great video…. getting down to important issues. Well your helping people discover themselves, their underlying motivations. This can only help produce better outcomes in the end, regardless what someone may decide on this issue. This habit of self discovery is relevant way beyond the scope of recovery from affair. Its integral to surviving everything, becoming self reliant and becoming fruitful (benefiting others).

  7. sus says:

    I don’t know yet whether I want to be married (with in my case) him. We aren’t married but have been together over 10 years.

  8. Chris says:

    Thanks for the videos, which I look forward to seeing. I’m 2 years out of D Day. We are apart and closing in on divorce from our 37 yr marriage. I’m still devastated, but at least functioning at a decent level. I feel as though I should not be so devastated still. Should not have crying jags that last days. Is this normal? Thanks-Chris

  9. Betty Thoren says:

    Yes, I do but, he doesn’t and as long as he the way he is now there is no chance. and now he has a baby with her and we are divorced. All the problems he has made for me, I would be better off not loving and wanting him. I do not want this person back if he doesn’t love me and want to come home,and be a HUSBAND. and I do not want him the way he acts now. Lies,cheats on her too, and a gold digger and he is for “him” only.He has put me though total HELL and I am still in it all because of him getting mad I took all toys away. and it put me in a real mess and bankruptcy and more to do. but I stood my ground and I may regret it for rest of my life. but to late now.just hope I don’t lose my home.all because of him and his Girlfriend. and state of KS has NO FAULT which gives them a license to CHEAT ON YOU ! and they come out on top!

  10. Bernie says:

    Well everyone things are just getting started for me he left Feb 27th and I did not find out until that morning after he had made love to me that things were bad I was holding his hand and asked him where his ring was ,you see he had been working so many hours his job is stressing and he also works another job as well anyway he tells me “oh I took it off and besides we are seperated” He blindsided me that night he spent the night in a motel with the girl he is now living with . I still love him so very much we have neen together for 27 yrs and married 23 may 10th it just hurts so much and this women he is with sent me a text saying ” I want to thankyou for allowing to steal your husband with just a kiss HaHa sucks to be you”

  11. Betty says:

    Bernie,
    Thats seems to be the type they go for, sad but true. There is nothing good about the woman they pick thats for sure. They have no morals of any Kind. My 1st X husband I was married to for 29 1/2 years and he had affairs from start. I told him the 3 time I caught him 3 times you are out. 2nd one married to for 9 years. they both picked the slut type woman. don’t understand that, but seems to be what they think they want. My second been gone 4 years and I still miss him and wish he would wake up and come home. but don’t look like that is ever going to happen, and I cry over it for I am pretty well done with man since these too. and I have no desire for anyone other then the 2nd X husband. The first would be a blessing to be rid of him. he is like the Devil from Hell.

  12. Beth says:

    Like Chris,I am also just about 2 years away from the day I was confronted by her husband/my neighbor to let me know our spouses had been having an affair for 3 months. Still not sure I can do this long-term. With 2 kids, it’s a tough choice to make – have to keep their best interests at heart and not act selflishly. The affair abruptly ended & my husband is totally remorseful and committed to our marriage. Just don’t know if it’s too late for me!

    • tree says:

      oh beth, they say that IF he truly is remorseful you have a better chance than starting with someone new! BUT he must be completely transparent, be willing to talk to you and answer any questions you may have and KNOW it WILL take time for him to earn your trust back!
      it CAN happen! get help if it will make it easier….counseling?, positive, inspirational books you can read together (recommend LOVE & RESPECT, the LOVE DARE & it’s movie called FIREPROOF)?, PRAY?, listen to KLOVE radio or similar (uplifting/inspirational)?, mediator to encourage those difficult conversations?, self help/growth activities?, whatever you can think of to help you learn to trust again!!! love and peace to you!

  13. Geanie says:

    As usual…you’re the best. I do need to answer all of these questions. I’m still not sure. I do want rid of the pain…no doubt. I would like to be married to him if I could really believe that he wants to be married to me and will stop his activities. Not sure if I can live with the affects though.

  14. Geraldine Horgan says:

    My husband has a 17 year old from an affair of 20 year. he lived a double life and lied to me obviously and made my life hell. i am now separated and at this point in time dont ever want to see him again.

  15. donna says:

    i was told 4 days before our 13 wedding aniv. in october and 2 day before our week vacation. i chose to take the vacation hopping things would work out. we even took the march vacation things kept going back and forth. we even planned a vacation with some of his family for a november 2008 vacation – he was still being nice. i know now he was only being nice because if i did not go on this vacation he was not going to get to go because the other family members were going to back out if i did not go. now what does that tell you about that. (he was taking collect calls from her while she was in jail) i filed for a divorce because he wanted me to, then he wanted me to cancel because he wanted to be married. then he filed not telling me. he left year ago in june 2008, divorce will be about one year coming this october. he left me for a married drug using slut – she took him for over $70,000.00 and has now droped him for her husband. now he is with another slut that about ended us before we married – she lives out of state and for some reason she can’t leave the state, or can’t take the kids (2 diffrent dad’s) out of the state – another winner. even though it has been over a year – i still want him back – i’m 50 years old and i don’t want to start all over again. my mind is telling me to move on, but the heart is saying hold on. i know how you feel. only you can figure out what to do.

  16. diane says:

    Yes I do, Yes I do, Yes I do!!!
    He has been so dedicated and faithful that I took it for granted, now he says I haven’t been meeting his needs and I put the children before him. If only….I am trying but he doesn’t want to consider a reconciliation…I’m so frustrated. I know that love between us is buried, not lost but it’s getting harder and we are losing our intimacy day by day. OMG

  17. tree says:

    i listened to the video ‘do i want to be married to him OR…….’. well that sure is a tough question! i think ALL those things are true!!! so how do i know? it is not a simple question!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *